W is for Waiting
Waiting for your baby, and for labour to start, can seem like the longest wait of your life.
With normal human gestation being anywhere from 37 to 42 completed weeks (according to the WHO - World Health Organisation), and with very few babies actually arriving on their EDD (around 4% ish) it can (understandably) be hard for your brain to cope with the uncertainty about such a monumental life event. Add to this all the comments, texts, calls and WhatsApp messages from friends and family asking ‘ has the baby arrived yet’ - and what should be a lovely time can turn quite stressful rather quickly. Not to mention the pressure that healthcare practitioners may be putting on you for labour to start (more common at a general population level if you’re under NHS care than with private practioners here in the UK).
So this can be a tough time for women and families for lots of reasons. It should be a really special time, a time to savour the last days and weeks for pregnancy. To be at the threshold of becoming a mother, it’s a real rite of passage and a time that should have a reverence about it. The legendary French Obstetrician Michel Odent says that late pregnancy should be spent reading poetry and gazing at the stars - I love the sentiment, and this could definitely be worth a try. Poetry suggestions - Mary Oliver or Nikita Gill.
I also wanted to share some other things that might help you navigate this time if you’re finding it tricky….
1) Firstly know that you’re not alone if you are finding it difficult.
There’s not something wrong with you. Quite the opposite. Your brain likes certainty - and this is a helluva a big uncertainty for it to cope with! So keep with fact that this is normal - we do not know when labour will start and that’s something tricky for your mind to cope with. But the more you can reassure yourself that this waiting is normal, the better. So try to close yourself off from all the nagging and questioning friends and fam - they’re just making the waiting worse. Stop looking at your phone every 30 seconds, or even get your partner to vet your calls.
Read some positive birth stories to set your mind on a more positive path. You’ll find some here on my website and here on the Tell Me A Good Birth Story site too.
You can also use Positive Affirmations to rewire your neural pathways in a more positive path and really embed that more positive mindset. It sounds simple, infact it is simple but we know from neuroscience research that repeating positive affirmation can have a great effect. You can use my pack of Positive Affirmation Cards from my Antenatal & Hypnobirthing course (also available to buy here), or make up your own and put them up around you home in places you’ll see the often (by the kettle, on the fridge door, on the mirror in the loo) or listen to the Positive Affirmations MP3 track form my course. Talk to your baby, say the affirmations out loud, really believe them.
Be confident in your own body and your baby. The stress and worry can really undermine a woman’s much-needed confidence in her body before she’s even started the challenging journey of labour and birth. And you need to go into labour with a calm and confident mind set, not fear and worry it is *hugely* important for the physiological, hormone driven process of labour.
2) RELEASE whatever is worrying you or any FEARs you have
The stress hormone adrenaline has the power to inhibit labour from starting (it’s the antithesis of the birth hormone oxytocin - more on that a bit later in this blog post). So practicing a fear releasing exercise is a great idea. It could be simply talking to your birth partner about them, or writing any worries and fears down (just let it all flow out, without judging what you’re writing) can help hugely. It could be about the birth, about parenthood, just anything that is worry you in some way. This can have a profound effect on how the subconcious mind feels about starting the process of labour. Ina May Gaskin (midwife legend) talks about this many times in her excellent books. And in the hypnobirthing course guide I’ve created uniquely for my course, we look at a specific fear release exercise and meditation too. You can also listen to the ‘confidence & power’ MP3 guided relaxation from my Antenatal & Hypnobirthing Course too. It’s very normal for your fears to be different now from what they were earlier in your pregnancy, so if you’ve already done fear releasing, do it again now. Remember it needs to feel like it’s ‘safe’ to release your baby out into the world (it’s an primal animal instinct).
3) LISTEN TO my recorded guided RELAXATION MP3’S
The relaxation MP3’s that you receive on my Hypnobirthing & Birth Preparation course are really invaluable now. Or of course your birth partner could read the scripts out to you too. Try listening to the Positive Affirmations MP3 once a day, and any of the guided relaxation MP3’s anytime you go for a nap (and that may be quite common now. Napping can be a real joy of later pregnancy) and before you go to bed at night too. Get in the zone, and feel calm and comfortable letting these MP3’s take you to a place of rest and ease.
And in addition to the guided relaxations from my course (or if you’ve not been on my course) I’ve also got a FREE guided relaxation for you here, that is especially for this tricky time of waiting for baby. You can listen for free via the free Insight Timer App here: https://insighttimer.com/susanbradley/guided-meditations/waiting-for-baby-a-guided-relaxation-for-late-pregnancy It’s a guided relaxation to help you manage stress and relax at the end of your pregnancy. People telling you to 'just relax' is not helpful! So this track is to help you take some time
4) Boost your Oxytocin
So anything that can boost the crucial birth hormone Oxytocin will be helpful when waiting for baby too. You might want to try any of these things…. or anything else that helps you relax, feel good, and less stressed (because stress and the associated stress hormones are the enemy of oxytocin)
~ WATCH A FUNNY DVD
When we laugh we produce happy hormones, and that includes oxytocin and endorphins, which inhibit the production of stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol), making a spontaneous, natural start to labour more likely. So watching funny DVD’s (James Acaster seems to be a recent favourite for a number of recent womens from my Hypnobirthing Courses!), or any lighthearted and funny television or films can be a nice thing to do now. Feeling safe, relaxed and having a good old laugh are all brilliant tonics for the apprehension that can start creeping in during the last days of pregnancy.
~ RELAX IN A WARM BATH
Getting relaxed and getting your oxytocin flowing is the important thing. So enjoying a delicious long warm bath, where the water makes you feel lovely and weightless and the warmth soothes you can be lovely. Maybe with some relaxing essential oils in or put some in a room diffuser. Then you can listen to your relaxing music playlist or put on your Positive Affirmations hypnobirthing MP3. While you’re in you could there close your eyes and use the visualisation technique of taking yourself to your own relaxed and special place, or listen to the ‘birth rehearsal’ MP3. Relaxing is the main thing, so do whatever works for you.
~ HAVE SEX OR ORGASM
Whenever you kiss, hug, have sex, share intimacy or climax with the person you love, you produce the hormone oxytocin. And this is the exact hormone that start labour and continue it’s magical dance to bring baby into the world. So now is a great time to connect with your partner in a deep way. Like they say ‘hugs before drugs’.
~ EAT A YUMMY MEAL
Eating lovely food, and being surrounded by people you love (your partner, family or friends) and have a happy time will all help you feel good. And that all comes back to the oxytocin again - having a delicious meal out with friends or as a loved up couple can boost your oxytocin levels. And if that’s your favourite food, or food that has happy memories for you that will all be beneficial too. So get booking a restaurant, or even just get your favourite take away ordered (either way there’s minimal washing up and that’s always a good thing too!)
~ DO SOME MINDFUL COLOURING IN / DRAWING / CRAFTING / KNITTING
Things that are repetitive, soothing and that you enjoy are brilliant at minimising stress and keeping you calm and gently focussed - exactly what you need as you wait for your baby to put in their appearance. So doing a simple relaxing activity you enjoy is a great idea. You can find a mindful colour book for pregnancy here.
~ NIPPLE STIMULATION
The effectiveness of nipple stimulation does have some solid scientific evidence. But depending on your medical history, the method may or may not be safe for you to try. Rubbing or rolling your nipples helps the body release oxytocin, which plays a role in initiating labor. Stimulating the breasts may also help bring on full labor by making your surges (contractions) stronger and longer. In one study the results were compelling, women in the nipple stimulation group had the shortest durations of each phase of labour and birth - that research is here: Worldviews on Evidence-Based Nursing,
So how do you do the nipple stimulation?
Firstly note that this method of labor stimulation is only recommended for normal (not high risk) pregnancies. It’s effects in late pregnancy can be powerful. For the best results, you want to mimic a baby’s latch as closely as you can. You can use your fingers, a breast pump, or even your partner’s mouth to stimulate your nipples. If you have an older baby or toddler who is still nursing, that might also provide good stimulation.
Focus on the areola, the dark circle that surrounds your actual nipple. When babies nurse, they massage the areola, not just the nipple itself. Use your fingers or palm to gently rub your areola through thin clothing or directly on the skin.
You want to avoid over stimulation, so focus on one breast at a time, limit stimulation to just five minutes, and wait another 15 before trying again. Also take a break from nipple stimulation during surges (contractions), and stop nipple stimulation when surges are three minutes apart or less, and one minute in length or longer.
5) Get Moving
~ DANCE LIKE NO ONES WATCHING
Put on your uplifting birth playlist (and I always suggest creating one of this, plus having a restful, calming playlist too) and have a dance - because getting moving, swaying and moving your hips and pelvis will help to encourage baby’s head down into your pelvis. And dancing also releases those all important feel good hormones too. So get on some uplifting tunes and get your body moving in any way that feels good to you. #dancelikenooneiswatching
~ GO FOR A WALK
Going for a walk every day can help you get in touch with nature, and how capable and connected we are with the whole world around us. We are part of something bigger, something amazing, and we have been for thousands and thousands of years. So getting outside can help to boost those feel good hormones, help stop you going stir crazy with the waiting perhaps, and the movement of walking can help babies head position down into your pelvis too.
~ USE YOUR BIRTH BALL
Sitting, swaying, rocking and gently bouncing on your birth / exercise ball can be a great way to help babys head to stimulate down on the cervix to help encourage labour.
But also you may just feel like a nap / snooze / sleeping and snuggling up at home. This is also great - you don’t want to exhaust yourself and use all your energy up before labour event starts! So resting, eating and snuggling if you’re drawn to that are also important. Try to tune into what you need in the moment, rather that being drawn by external expectations - that goes for ALL OF LABOUR!
6) MASSAGE
A pregnancy massage is a lovely treat, but it could also help as well as getting you feeling relaxed, to release any physical tension in the muscles of the body and this physical release of the body can signal the mind to be relaxed too and know that all is well and safe. The rhythmical strokes of hands over your skin can release the feel-good hormone oxytocin too. You can get your partner to give you a massage, or head to a pregnancy specific massage expert like the wonderful Michaela at York Mother Nurture
And you can also do some of the ‘light touch’ massage from my Hypnobirthing & Birth Preparation Course you’ll also be specifically releasing endorphins, which can be really helpful to build up before labour starts too.
7) Aromatherary - try using CLARY SAGE ESSENTIAL OIL
Only use Clary Sage after 37 weeks, it’s potentially powerful stuff and is only recommended once you reach full term (and yes, full term IS 37 to 42 weeks don’t forget). You can use this essential oil in many different ways - use in an electric room diffuser, sprinkle some on a hanky and sniff it, put just a couple of drops into that relaxing warm bath mentioned above, blend into a massage oil and get a lovely massage from your partner. Always buy good quality essential oils (organic preferably), from a trusted brand. Neals Yard Organic and Tisserand are good ones to look for.
8) try a complimentary therapy like ACUPUNCTURE or REFLEXOLOGY
Spending some time getting pampered, nurtured and cared for and getting relaxed will all help to boost your bodys oxytocin levels. So both reflexology and acupuncture can be lovely things to do all through pregnancy, and especially to help you relax towards the end.
If you are local to York, UK we are lucky enough to have the wonderful Renni Prelle Reflexologist who is very experienced treating pregnant women. We did a little video together for my YouTube channel all about Pregnancy Reflexology. Take a look so you can learn more all about how reflexology can benefit you (I just find it SO relaxing myself, even when not pregnant its such a lovely thing to do).
9) Try some guided VISUALISATION
The visualisation technique you’ll learn on my Hypnobirthing course, can be great to use now. You can use the ‘Birth Visualisation’ MP3 to guide you, or you can try simply visulaising holding your baby in your arms. As you close your eyes and imagine this, really visualise what they look like, how much hair they have, their tiny fingers and toes. Connect with your baby, talk to them, tell them it’s safe and you’re so looking forward and ready to meet them. And as you have a 'chat' with your baby, you could suggesting why coming sooner would be lovely and how you are both so excited to meet him/her.
AND FINALLY….
So there you are, I hope those ‘nine natural nudges’ might be helpful should you to give them a try (although there’s no need to do anything at all). They’re simply a few positive things that can help you to feel you’re helping yourself. In essence anything that relaxes you and increases your oxytocin levels can only help when you’re playing the waiting game. BUT there’s definitely no magic wand that can be waved (sorry about that, I really wish there was). Above all patience is paramount (sorry, I know that’s really not what most women want to hear). The phrase ‘baby will come when baby is ready’ is true, and although the waiting can be tough, knowing all babies are different and trying to relax into it and trusting your baby and your body is the key. Try to enjoy this last bit of time being pregnant, savour the time, your bump, the ‘twin heartedness’ that is unique to pregnancy. You may also like to read this lovely article too about the last days of pregnancy, a time called ‘zwischen’ - a place of inbetween
And finally to also say that you may want to recalculate your due date. Because you never know, the midwife and/or the sonographer who did you dating scan may just have it wrong and you are not as many weeks along at all. There’s really a long natural variation in human pregnancy, and EDD does not take into account your menstrual cycle length and when you ovulate.
Susan x